Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Whether constant reference to Dunstable’s curious plea for trellises in this, its hour of need, would cause Renfrew to reassess the Hubble Constant and thus send an arguably unnecessary wave of panic rippling through the Shropshire thimble industry was the only subject which the delegates at the 73rd gnat symposium of western central Ghana were prepared to discuss without notes or occasional recourse to the jolly flange of gastropods (pernickety in nature) that did bask in the glow of reflected glory emanating from their illustrious forbears, the Nitty sisters’ apothecaries.



The Nitty sisters circa 1722

None of this had escaped the attention of Ragwort Stopes, whose pent-up rage was periodically vented on the icons of the venerable Puddle that adorned his shed walls. He sent forth for the elastic and curiously recalcitrant truffle of Turkmenistan, a decision he was later to regret with a bitterness akin to that felt by Snooty Headrest immediately after the calamitous Felt Negotiations, in which her great-niece had, against her better judgement, engaged seventeen years later; and darkness was upon the face of the deep.












The two sides come to blows at the ill-fated Tbilisi Felt Negotiations

Certain eminent and rotund geologists contend that had Stopes not embarked on this catastrophic course of action, which even the ordinarily feverishly pro-Ragwortian Mitochondrial Herald described as “the silliest course of action ever undertaken by anyone, anywhere at any time” - though I am grateful to “Edwin” Chidgey for drawing my attention to the fact that the Clanger family of Droitwich objected in a letter to this same august journal that their attempt to navigate the Strait of Hormuz in a bucket had been, all things considered, sillier, given their contemporaneous ingestion of vast quantities of peyote – he would have been able to retain his twigs; but as things stood, it was only a matter of millennia before the whole shameful edifice would tumble, thus fulfilling the prophecy of Puddle’s most fervent advocate, the skink known to us as Hector Constitutional Anomaly.


The mescaline-ridden Clanger family.

From l - r: Doris, Horace, Boris and Morris

Into the subsequent vacuum stepped Dilettante Rusk and the Four Whelps, all of whom, by an extraordinary coincidence, were direct descendants of the Clanger family of Droitwich, a fact upon which they were (some would say opportunistically) keen to capitalise in those nostalgically inclined times in which they found themselves. Rusk wasted no time in commissioning the discovery of a cure for windows, a notch for treadle pedals and a simian-only version of Love's Labour's Lost, thus gaining the quintet great prestige and the affection of an intellectually challenged nation, both of which they could be said to have gone on to squander in the foolishness that was the Papplewick affair.


Armado frees Costard early on condition that he take a letter to Jaquenetta for him. On his way, Berowne gives Costard a letter for Rosaline. Costard however, gives Armado's letter to the princess (who claims to be Rosaline).

Holmund's controversial staging of Love's Labour's Lost saw the welcome return of Mr Scratchy as Armado.

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